In computer games, most computer-controlled foes have a low degree of artificial intelligence. Were we to peer into their skulls, so to speak, we will see that their random spellcasting and erratic movements are not unpredictable at all. The first step, then, to victory is knowing your opponent thoroughly. Unfortunately for you, doomed reader, I am no cyclic automaton and, perhaps, by now you've realized how completely useless this preface is after all.
Topography
My pen name is Jean R. Mavi; my real name, I care to divulge not. I was born on the summer solstice, as the sun was riding to its peak. When immersed in a tub full of water, I am completely submerged at a depth of at least 5'11" while displacing approximately 128 lbs of water. My body temperature, however, often hovers around 37 degrees Centigrade, regardless of the water temperature.
It usually takes a length of leather at least about 27" to encompass the girth of my waist. I usually over-accessorize, though, so it is not quite uncommon to see me with multiple belts, bracelets and necklaces. Such heavy loads may or may not be the reason why my metabolic rate is really high; I burn up my fuel reserves within three hours. Obesity is not a problem; I can never have too much food, really. Anytime is a good time to eat. However, a bumper sticker might outline my philosophies more precisely:
When it comes to blood, people say I am a universal donor but I prefer to think of myself as one of the choosiest receivers. The insulin levels of my blood may or may not be abnormal; I have been informed, though, that I am a candidate for an inheritance of diabetes from my grandmother. I also appear to have inherited the poor eyesight of both my parents, thus, I have to wear a pair of artificial lenses in a frame that hangs from my ears.
My actual Zodiac configuration is Taurus in the year of the Fire Tiger but some people who don't know any better often argue that I am a Gemini or a Cancer. I would love to enlighten you more about the Horoscope Hoax; however, this page is not the proper place to do so. As a sorcerer born on such a date, I am the destined heir to whatever is left to first-born sons in a family of four children.
Government
The Romans were once ruled by a group of three persons, called a triumvirate. Similarly, I, and my actions, are governed by three organs: brain, heart and, uhm, genitals, which are actually symbolic symbols for brain, hypothalamus and sexo-hypothalamus, if it has already been discovered. Hardly surprisingly, I find my personality to be hovering near any one of three personas: sorcerer, warrior and fool.
The brain, or the sorcerer, is probably the stereotyped "logical male". A very feeble and weak voice, it does not assert itself with words but with very persuasive, powerful bolt spells. He has a very electric personality and temper, which I can say is pretty shocking. In an organization, this sorcerer has no wish to be a leader or a follower; he prefers to be a vizier, an advisor powerful enough to influence the decision of the leader but sufficiently detached from great responsibilities. He claims to be guided by reason.
The heart, or the warrior, is perhaps, the most active persona within me. After all, it is he who receives the brunt of the blows life throws at me. Not as knowledgeable as the sorcerer, his decisions are only good for short-term issues requiring immediate action. In the long run, however, he has no choice but to seek counsel from the sorcerer. Guided by instinct, he is very strong; my moments of weakness are not an indication that his strength falters; rather, it was the effect of the third persona surfacing.
The fool, or the sexo-hypothalamus, who thinks with the brain between his legs, is probably a remnant of the randomness seeded into the universe not so long ago. Skillful, agile and adept at foiling much of the sorcerer's "grand design", the fool is a fun-loving, fun-seeking individual easily led to addiction, yielding detrimental effect to my overall state. Still, however, I am indebted to him for having learnt much of what I'd otherwise never have come to know within the sheltered confines of my cage. He is guided by chaos.
Each person battling the other, each person conspiring with the other, my alter-egos are borne of my experiences. Alone, we are weak; together, we are strong enough to bite each other's heads off and, hopefully, withstand anything stupid enough to join someone else's fistfights.
Culture
I was born in Manila, capital city of the Philippine Islands. I daresay I was raised by my parents fairly well. I studied at a private Catholic school and enrolled at a state university. The people I have met, the life I had experienced and the side quests I have achieved all made me into what I am today and gave me whatever items or equipment I might have in my Adventurer's Bag of Holding.
Growing up in a country where the staple food is rice, it is no surprise that I do have rice in most of my meals. I do eat bread, though, or noodles, during the times I don't care much for rice. Aside from a voracious appetite as a consequence of my high metabolic rate, I also have a sweet tooth. To be more accurate, I display an affinity to flavors with unnatural extremes of sweetness and saltiness. I also would have loved to eat mollusks, crustaceans and, probably, fish, were it not for the tedious ordeal I have to go through just to get at their meat. Shelling seafood is fine but I have a particular distaste for de-boning fishes, unless, of course, they have large bones easily separated from the flesh.
When it comes to music, I do enjoy different kinds of music. I like listening to an assortment of genres, like alternative, classical, j-pop, pop, punk rock, rock or wave. However, I do find myself enjoying the works of The Corrs, The Cranberries, Enya, Michelle Branch and Tchaikovsky. I also listen to Britney Spears' songs but it is due to the lively beat that sets me dancing and not the immensely profound (sic) lyrics.
While I am mostly a happy and gay individual nowadays, I, by no means, am a proponent of rainbow colors or any profusion of discordant hues in clothing, unless, of course, it were to be used for carnivals and fiestas. You can see me wearing dark-colored clothing, if I feel like dressing up for someone or something. Most of my closet, however, is occupied by white tees, which I usually wear whenever I am not in the mood to carefully choose my attire. No, I don't wear drag, or women's clothing, unless I am paid a suitable price for it.
If, at bedtime (which ranges anytime from 1PM to 5AM) I am still not sleepy, I am in the habit of opening a book and reading til my eyelids feel droopy. I also read books whenever I am not doing anything particularly useful like when I'm waiting, travelling, sitting on the loo or talking to a boring person. I do appreciate books for the stories they tell, not for the prestige (sic) that comes with owning a book by a famous writer. More than anything, I detest people who use books just as a means of showing off; don't judge a book by its cover... or its author.
I may seem like an exaggerated individual to some, especially those who were acquainted with unsavory anecdotes of my childhood. However, allow me to borrow a quote from an advert by the Philippines' Department of Tourism: "... and if we sometimes seem to overdo things, just imagine what it's like to be our guest."
Cuisine
By no means a culinary sensation, I have no creations I could confidently call my own. My kitchen philosophies are, in a way, similar to the Urban Peasant, James Barber: you don't need to go out to find fancy ingredients; you can make the most with what you have. However, I am also aware, due to experience, that having a lack of certain ingredients in the kitchen is as much a disaster as a careless mix-and-match of reagents. The absence of bread, butter, eggs, pepper, potatoes, salt, sugar or vegetable oil is cause for worry. The absence of all of those is a dire kitchen emergency needing immediate reinforcements from the nearest grocery.
The most common dishes I mix-and-match are mixed fried rice, omelettes and sandwiches. Coming from a country where rice is the staple food of most lower middle-class to upper-class citizens, the first one is completely reasonable. So is the second one; eggs are, by far, the easiest things to fry and it really doesn't matter much as long as something else goes with it. The third one was borne by need, during those times when one feels a bit tired of having rice for every meal of the day.
While water is one of the central elements of the kitchen, I find myself abhorring the substance as a beverage. I find it too flat, gray, boring, flavorless and uninteresting. Even when chilled, it doesn't always taste good. I prefer to drink flavored drinks like diet cola, de-fizzed regular cola, iced tea, green tea, sago-gulaman, lemon juice and other fruit juices. The most memorable beverage I've had was a mixture of cantaloupe and watermelon juices.
I don't usually drink coffee or wine. I try, as much as possible, to avoid mind-altering drugs like caffeine and alcohol, although I do know enough to enjoy their flavors from time to time. I have morning coffee only in times that I direly need to be awake; it is pretty much the same with the nightcaps of red wine. Instead of coffee, I usually just drink chocolate milk with a dash of cinnamon. When the craving hits me, I add a very small portion of coffee, to be counter-acted by a generous amount of brandy. On evenings, I drink milk; no, I don't add wine to milk.
I also usually drink milk, often as a substitute for water, for everything it contains: calories, calcium, vitamins and all the good stuff your body uses to foil your most recent suicide stratagem. Really, my daily glasses of milk and juice are probably what keeps me in a relatively healthy state and sustains my abnormal normal disposition.
Of course, disasters always happen at one time or another. Rice gets burnt, omelettes stick to the pan, potato fries turn out soggy, fishes smell fishy, beef turns out tough, fishes grow bones or the delicious tuna omelette you ingested caused interesting intestinal effects. Still, it's all in a day's work for someone who had no choice but to cook in order to eat what he likes.
Tourism
For those who seek an audience with me, I am more reliably reached online. People who know my Yahoo! Profile, can contact me via Yahoo! Messenger. I am also reached through phone calls, either on my home phone or mobile phone. The contact numbers are available upon request. I can also be contacted through the local Short Messaging System (SMS), however, a response, immediate or otherwise, is not guaranteed. In the unlikely event that all aforementioned media of communication are down, people can travel to the Philippines' National Capital Region, where the chances of running into me are higher than anywhere else on the planet.
Then we can talk. I can understand the English and Filipino languages fairly well, both in written and spoken form. No, I am not adept at deciphering smileys, emoticons or telepathic impressions; I'm sorry. I once tried my hand at painting a picture of a thousand words but, failing miserably, I resorted to writing those thousand words instead.
As the number of words above imply, you can very well infer that I do not like to talk about myself. The preceding statement, on the other hand, suggests that I am a chronic liar. Rest assured I am not a chronic liar, I am not lying and that the moon is made of cheese.